He was not repulsive, at least by human standards. Nor was he one that drew others to regard him highly. In the Sabbath School class, he didn't show an interest above any other. In fact, his brother gave answers that others may see as insightful. Indeed they were, but that just makes this boy less so. He gave no indication of appreciation nor any kind of connection like a protégé would a mentor. His countenance marked no enlightenment at Truth, nor did his body language belie any interest. To be sure, he may have been the least interested person in the room yesterday morning.
And maybe this was the impetus to rise to the call. Not like an athlete demands the ball when there are only a few seconds left in the final quarter of the game. No it wasn't like it. It was after the class. After the Sermon in Divine Service. It was a conviction that came so heavy that I was the one called to house the light for this young man. This guy who didn't care who I was, found no impulse in himself to enjoy my company or find anything attractive or even useful in my association. And for some reason I wanted it, the way Elisha wanted his call. And I wanted this youth to get all the light God was merciful to give him.
And so the thoughts came, one after another. The call lent clarity to the next months. I put together a time frame in my mind, and my initial thought was, "God! It's only 6 months!" and slowly settled into, "God, you're going to do something in only 6 months!" This added urgency to the matter.
Now there are wagers going around the community in the Freeport/Brunswick/Topsham area that I will be staying longer than I had planned. While this may be true (and there innumerable intangible reason for me to wish it so), no definite invitations for funding resources (i.e. job) have materialized. So despite my own longings and the wishes of others, prudence dictates that I PLAN accordingly. Plans to be laid at the foot of the Master, to be carried out or set aside as His Providence dictates. (Sigh)
Though I have been accused to being overly confident (to put it lightly) in a few aspects of my life, there is minimal truth to this idea. That being said, there are few things (if any) in which I am more confident in God's Word and promises, than when I am teaching. I do not often taken human counsel in this regard. But when the call hit me yesterday, I realized then, that promises of Scripture then became more important to me than they had previously. The clarity of their purpose and my own was heightened. Why so? Because I wanted to believe in them, no longer for myself but for this young man. I wanted to hear and see them, look upon them, and handle them so that I could make them ready for reception by this disinterested young man. And a fire burns inside me. And it feels different than the ice cold calculating drive that motivated in the past. The fire seems different now. And I don't want it to go out.
What surprised me was the reason for it. I am not insensitive to the appreciation of others, in fact maybe I like it more than most (who knows). But with this young man of 16 or 17 years of age, I did not see a responsive cord. While others thanked me for the sermon and praised God for its timely message (that's what they said, I'm just reporting it), the difference with him was intangible and somehow different. He never thanked me for the hand out, and I think (jury still out on this one) that it is because his need is unrealized, but he somehow knows its presence, but is not willing to acknowledge it, and it's eating him from the inside out. And though he shows no promise of response, I cannot help but let the longing for his soul grow and foster. I cannot name it now. The word will come.
But this does not diminish my longing for the rest of the youth under my care. The rest of them sounded eager and interested and willing to engage, and in need as well, in them I see myself, in need of a Savior ... constantly. For them I am just as grateful, but if any sort of attractiveness (the attractiveness of the ladies are unequivocal) is involved the motive for duty can easily blurred. I am speaking not merely of the opposite sex, but any individual in which an advantage can be received (whether congratulatory or associative or affectionate) in ministering to the person, no matter how seemingly altruistic, the motive can reasonably come into question. But what the realization did for me, was lend clarity to even the help I would bring to the others. I wanted everything there to be purposeful and practical and enlightening to them because I want it for him. I want to be a strong Sabbath School leader, to be more fully repentant, to give them advantage because I want it for him. I want them to see Christ more clearly and be surrendered to His Truth more fully because I want it for him. I want to be set aside for this purpose no longer for my own salvation, but so he gets a chance and they do too.
And I'm not sure where all of this came from, but it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday, and lent a clarity to the work and every secular aspect of my life like nothing I can remember in recent history.
Man, I'm on fire... 6 months ... daylight is burning ... let's get to work. It starts on my knees.
Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began, - II Timothy 1:9
Personal effort for others should be preceded by much secret prayer; for it requires great wisdom to understand the science of saving souls. Before communicating with men, commune with Christ. At the throne of heavenly grace obtain a preparation for ministering to the people. - Christ's Object Lessons, p.149
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